Careers

Do you know someone who fornicates with livestock and is under 112 centimeters in height?

We are in desperate need of a zoophile with dwarfism to add to our team!

Job description: As a structural engineer you will provide expert consultation on the construction of safe space echo chambers, gulag, and other building projects underway at the church.

Must haves: Must be a zoophile (at your interview you will be hooked to a machine that will measure your arousal while you watch The Jungle Book). Must have dwarfism (If you are tall enough to ride Space Mountain, this position is not for you).

Nice to haves: 4+ years experience in structural engineering. Bachelor’s degree in civil engineering.

Salary: $13/hr plus the knowledge that you are working for a progressive organization that values diversity and equality!

Wanted: Transgender woman with skin tone between hex #0c0804 and hex #1b1209

We are in desperate need of a dark skinned transgender woman to add to our team!

Job description: As a java developer you will be responsible for writing code and developing applications for accounting, HR, and misinformation departments at the church.

Must haves: Must be a transgender woman (must bring your birth certificate to your interview to prove you were assigned male at birth). Must have appropriate skin tone (at your interview you will be subjected to a paint color scanner to make sure your tone is within the required range for this position).

Nice to haves: 2+ years experience in java development. Bachelor’s degree in computer science.

Salary: $13/hr plus the knowledge that you are working for a progressive organization that values diversity and equality!

Are you a wheelchair bound Asian homosexual? If so, we want you!

We are in desperate need of a gay paraplegic with Asian ancestry to add to our team!

Job description: As a youth camp director you will be responsible for organizing and overseeing summer camp programs and activities such as:

• Soccer
• Kickball
• Square Dancing
• Taekwondo

Must haves: Must have no feeling in your lower extremities (at your interview you will be subjected to a figure four leg lock by our very own church champion, “The Nature Non-Binary Human Child” Buddy Swindell! ). Must have Asian ancestry (at your interview you must provide DNA results and have > 50% Asian ancestry to be considered for this position). Must be a homosexual (we are looking for Billy Porter, not Anderson Cooper here).

Nice to haves: 3+ years experience in summer camp programs. Bachelor’s degree in recreation management.

Salary: $13/hr plus the knowledge that you are working for a progressive organization that values diversity and equality!